Friday, March 10, 2017

this little box of mine.

I'm avoiding you
not because I dont want to see you
but because I know
the moment I see you I wont be able to hold back tears
that all I want to do is have someone hug me tight and let me cry
so I cant see you
cause I know Ill have to pretend
that everythings ok
that Im good, kids good, everythings great.
cause saying anymore will provoke unnecessary questions
that I dont want to answer
because I dont have the answer.

if i had to choose
between meeting friends for coffee
or sitting drinking coffee by myself
Id rather sit alone
in peace and solace.
no offence to anyone
thats just the introvert in me.

its been months
since Ive actually enjoyed company
preferring much to be alone
sitting on a beach
standing on a mountain
staring over the horizon
deep in thought

then there are days
like today
when it feels like you've hit rock bottom
and theres no where else to go
no one else to turn to
except Him

always there
and always will be there

I'm grateful
yet ungrateful
questioning "why me"
"why now"
I know the answer
but I still want to know why

people think
I'm doing great
because they see my cheerful face
or that I sound on top of the world
yes! I've fooled you
maybe I am
maybe I'm not

you'll never really know
what's really going on
inside this head
so here I am telling you
that I'd like to be alone for a little while
i know this phase will pass
but until then
i hope you understand.