Saturday, June 28, 2014

finding the spirit of Ramadan.

Recently, I've heard so many sisters posting their excitement for Ramadan and how they're doing this, this and that to prepare for the blessed month ahead and there I was, next to them, thinking "Why don't I feel it?". "Why am I not as excited as I should be?" "Why don't I feel it too?"

For the past week, I've been trying to find the spirit of Ramadan. How do I find it? I mean, where do you look for it? It's not just by putting up 'Ramadan Mubarak' banners at home. It's not just by intending to fast all month and finish the Quran by the end of the month. It's not just by listening to lectures about Ramadan in order to increase your eman. It's not just by doing all these good deeds like giving charity, staying up at night to pray, making istighfar etc. It's everything you do so long as your heart is in the right place. Having the right intention. Your heart, first and foremost, is the gateway to finding the spirit of Ramadan, to finding Allah. To reconnect with your Creator, the One and Only, after having neglected Him in the last 11 months. To find Him again in your prayer, in sujood, in your dua. To cry to Him, the One who's always listening, and ask for forgiveness. To forgive your shortcomings for failing to do your best, not only as a Muslim but as a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister. For failing to do your prayers on time. For failing to be patient. For being ungrateful servants. For everything.

Next, you need to have the intention to change. To intend to make this Ramadan different. To do more than what you have done or at least, try to. To make goals (reasonable ones). To become a better person for ourselves and for others, and most importantly, for Allah (swt). To keep it up ever after Ramadan has long gone. It is hard. I'm not going to lie. It will take a lot of self-motivation, self-encouragement, courage, strength and determination to change. Time. It will definitely. take. time.

That, to me, is the spirit of Ramadan.

I'm not the type to plan and follow from a schedule. I won't write up my day's itinerary for Ramadan because I'm probably never going to stick through it for the whole month. I know I should but we all know ourselves pretty well and I know that it just won't work, because I am human. I am weak. We know our own capabilities and each of us are none like the other. So I need simple goals just to get started. My main goals are to stay up for at least two rakaat of tahajud, read Quran during this time and after Fajr, finish at least half of the Quran by end of Ramadan (I like to take my time to read), to read the translation once a day, to keep calm and be patient when I'm tested by kids (tough one), to have khushu in prayer, to read duas before breaking fast, to make Duha prayer when I can, to read adhkar during the morning and evening and to finish Surah Kahf on one Friday, in sha Allah!

May Allah (swt) make it easy for me and accept from all of us our deeds and intentions and to forgive those whom have passed.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

"I'm not ready yet."

We all go through this thought at least once in our lives.

The "I'm not ready yet" thought.

I'm not ready to put the Hijab on. 
I'm not ready to grow up.
I'm not ready to say goodbye. 
I'm not ready to forgive and forget. 
I'm not ready to get married.
I'm not ready have a baby.
I'm not ready to go to Hajj.

And the list goes on.

The thing is, we may feel like we are not ready but we are. And we will. By telling yourself that you're not ready, you've built a wall in front of yourself thus, making it hard for you to get overcome your fears. The truth is, you've been ready long before you realised it. Allah (swt), your Creator, the One who knows you best, put you in the situation you're in because He knows that it is the best time for you. He is deciding for you and there is none but He who is the best disposer of affairs. So let it be. Accept it and be grateful because you ARE ready for it.

Monday, June 16, 2014

revival of the lost soul

Oh how times have has changed. How I have changed.  For better or worse? I don't know. But what I do know is that I need to start living. Living with a purpose. And that starts here.

Time changes you. You grow older. You become wiser. Your heart has gone through more of the good and bad of this life that it makes you stronger. Unbreakable at times. Yet fragile at the rarest. The happiness and pain you endure turns you into someone you never knew you could be. Someone you didn't think you were. At the end of the day, you are still you. Your experiences make you who you are today. Reading all my old posts made me realise how much I have changed and how much a part of me has stayed the same. Which is why I decided to make a few changes on this blog. Delete a few old unnecessary posts. Revamp the layout because change is always good. Whether you like it or not, we are constantly defining ourselves through change. Well, me atleast. 

All my life, I've always felt like I've never really belonged anywhere. Sure, I've made a few friends, some good ones, stuck to different groups but I don't remember feeling at home, anywhere. Maybe Makkah, in sha Allah. I've always been a lone ranger and you know what, I prefer to be that way. When it's just you and Allah (swt). Of course, I'm still trying to find myself. Understand who I am and who I want to be. I guess, this is where the blog comes in. 

For anyone who knows me well, I'm better at expressing myself through words than speech. I can write you a long essay on how I feel about you but if you were to ask me to tell you, I'd stumble. So this is my medium to start making a difference in my life. In your life. To better understand all that is in it and what it takes to be here, from a young Muslim's perspective. My journey from here to the hereafter, in sha Allah. Let's hope I keep regularly updating this blog from now. It is sadaqah jaariah after all.