Thursday, November 10, 2011

The first year of marriage.

 The topic of marriage came up yesterday. It went something like this: 

My friend: "So how long have you been married now?"

Me: "*thinks* ...about 8 months. Wow. Time goes by fast." (Actually it's coming on 9 months!).

Me: "I feel bad though. 'Cause I feel like I've neglected a lot of my friends ever since I got married."

My friend:: "It's normal for all couples I think. I mean, it's your first year of marriage. You're never going to have that first year ever again so enjoy yourself. And insha'Allah your friends will still be your friends at the end of the day. They'll understand."

Me: "You think? I hope so..."

My friend:: "They're your friends, they should!" 

That's true. Now that I think about it, I only started getting to know my husband after we both agreed to get married. It's not like we were friends for a couple of years, dated for a while, engaged for a year then finally tied the knot. If that were the case, then marriage would simply be a piece of paper signed by the two parties. It would be an easy transition into marriage. Whereas in my case, marriage opened the door to a whole new life. 

For me, marriage is getting to know everything about my husband.  past. present. future. what ticks him. what makes him laugh. the things that make him angry. I mean absolutely everything. You don't just learn all about the person you're living with in one month. It takes months, years, a whole lifetime to get to know someone. 

Marriage, for me, is a new house. new friends. being part of someone else's family. being accepted as part of a family. knowing my in-laws. the good and the bad. taking up responsibilities. obeying the Man. sacrifices. compromises. patience. and all that jazz. 

Sometimes it's not as easy as it seems. 

So the next time a friend of yours gets married and disappears for a little while, let her know that you'll always be there and let her go. She will come back to you when she's ready. And when you ask her, "Where have you been?", She'll tell you "You'll understand when you're married".


  1. Assalaam Alaikum,

    While I'm not married yet (Insha'Allah, hopefully soon!), I completely agree with your friend's sentiments.

    Everything about marriage is very new in the beginning. Even if two people have been engaged for some time, it takes time to get used a new routine, living with someone else, learning more about your spouse, and everything else that comes with being a newlywed. I think friends should accept that their newlywed friend won't have as much time to spend/or talk as they used to in the past, and although it will be difficult to get used to, they should try to be as understanding as possible.

    Great post, and Insha'Allah, I also hope your friends will understand. =)

  2. Wa alaykum assalam Sara

    alhamdulilah you've said it well. When I referred to people getting married after dating, I was mostly talking about the non-Muslims (sadly even some Muslims :( ) who have lived together for a long time then get married. Anyway alhamdulilah for Islam is all I can say. :)

    may Allah (swt) grant you a righteous, pious spouse who will be the comfort of your eyes, ameen!

  3. but aren't the "husbands" at work almost everyday? for atleast some hours? why not give your friends time then?

  4. Anonymous: Alhamdulilah I do. I don't completely ignore my friends if that's what you're thinking. :) What I mean is I can't be seeing friends almost everyday and I've moved quite far from where I used to live so here Im referring to the lack of regular contact that I'm used to before marriage.

  5. you've been hiding here all this time, and i never knew :( how are youuu!!??

    a big CONGRATULATIONS on your marriage, may Allah swt keep you and your husnband happy, united and blessed always!

    i totally understand what you're saying about becoming busy etc. i'm not married, but two of my best friends are. for the first year of both of their marriages, i was lucky to get a text once every 3 months lol. even now, they lead such busier and different lives to me, alhamdullilah though we're all on the same page :)

    and the 'you'll understand when you're married' quote; i get it everytime :P

  6. Haha Ashi lately I've been more of a silent reader. But I'm still here alhamdulilah. all is gooood! I've missed out on so much though, need to start catching up on what people are up to! :)

  7. Assalamualaikum!

    I was talking to my twin about how you hadn't written for months and she was like, "Obviously, she just got married!" I didn't believe her until I read your post. :P And I get that "You'll understand when you're married," quote from her all the time. I sure do hope I do, haha!

  8. mashaAllah, beautiful post! <3

    Im absolutely amazed knowing that u r still 21 n been married for almost a year! i think it was a BIG decision to take!
    thanks for sharing, dear.. :)

    Salaam from Indonesia,

  9. I just read this post! Where have I been in this blogging world?!

    Thank you for explaining this btw ;)

  10. This post was beautfiul, I only can thank you for explaining it, because, yes, you are right and know I understand more thigs (I have a friend who recently got married)

    Thanks :)