The topic of marriage came up yesterday. It went something like this:
My friend: "So how long have you been married now?"
Me: "*thinks* ...about 8 months. Wow. Time goes by fast." (Actually it's coming on 9 months!).
Me: "I feel bad though. 'Cause I feel like I've neglected a lot of my friends ever since I got married."
My friend:: "It's normal for all couples I think. I mean, it's your first year of marriage. You're never going to have that first year ever again so enjoy yourself. And insha'Allah your friends will still be your friends at the end of the day. They'll understand."
Me: "You think? I hope so..."
My friend:: "They're your friends, they should!"
That's true. Now that I think about it, I only started getting to know my husband after we both agreed to get married. It's not like we were friends for a couple of years, dated for a while, engaged for a year then finally tied the knot. If that were the case, then marriage would simply be a piece of paper signed by the two parties. It would be an easy transition into marriage. Whereas in my case, marriage opened the door to a whole new life.
For me, marriage is getting to know everything about my husband. past. present. future. what ticks him. what makes him laugh. the things that make him angry. I mean absolutely everything. You don't just learn all about the person you're living with in one month. It takes months, years, a whole lifetime to get to know someone.
Marriage, for me, is a new house. new friends. being part of someone else's family. being accepted as part of a family. knowing my in-laws. the good and the bad. taking up responsibilities. obeying the Man. sacrifices. compromises. patience. and all that jazz.
Sometimes it's not as easy as it seems.
So the next time a friend of yours gets married and disappears for a little while, let her know that you'll always be there and let her go. She will come back to you when she's ready. And when you ask her, "Where have you been?", She'll tell you "You'll understand when you're married".