Okay, I gotta be honest. I have a tendency to daydream, a lot. When I say 'a lot', I really do mean every single day without fail. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm doing it until the person speaking to me snaps me out of the moment. It's a bad habit, I know. Although I can't really say I hate it because every girl likes to fantasize once in a while, right? My problem is that I do it way too often. And most of the time it's about the dunya. The things I want to do, the things I did, the things I could have done, the things I love doing, the things I see myself doing and it goes on. If it's not about me, it's someone else. Especially now that my eyes are set on a target, I find my passion for it growing bigger and bigger every time it crosses my mind or when someone brings it up, so it's hard not let myself get caught up in 'what could be'.
Picture this. Take the one thing you love doing so much. Be it writing, photography, cooking, debating, exercising, memorizing whatever. When you're doing it, it makes you happy. You smile. You're at ease. It brings joy in your life. You feel peaceful, even for a moment. Because it means so much to you, you want to share it with the world. You want to make something happen with it. Something big. But...it's a life-long dream. Things like these usually require a lot of hard work, patience and most importantly, dua. Surely, we all know that success doesn't just happen overnight. Oh how I wish it did.
And then you realise your real purpose in life. Your five daily prayers, your morning and evening zhikr, your Quran, your tahajjud, your fasting, your seeking knowledge, your death all brings you back to Allah and a pang of guilt rush through your body. You feel weak for wanting this life more than the hereafter. You feel like you've failed yourself and your Creator. You feel like you've wasted too much time dreaming about this world so much so that your hereafter terrifies you. You feel like you're not deserving of Jannah. You're almost giving up hope. So you repent. You cry.
Not long after, this dunya consumes you again and you forget about the reality of life. You're back at square 1.
Now my question is, how do you know that this dream you're having is worth chasing after? Do you ever think that you're forsaking your hereafter by working for this life? Or are you juggling both? I'm sure we can do both, no?
...of course, it's only common sense to let it go if it takes you away from the remembrance of Allah and makes you forget your purpose in life.
”Competition in [worldly] increase diverts you. Until you visit the graves” (Qur’an 102:1-2)