Thursday, October 27, 2011

Allah (swt) has better plans for you.

That's what I keep reminding myself.

A couple weeks ago we applied for Hajj through the Muslim World League. For those who don't know, this organisation sponsors Hajj packages for reverts (you only have to pay for your airfare and they cover everything else, from what I've been told). As a wife of a Catholic-born-Italian husband, I also get to tag along and be covered by them. Initially, the brother informed us that we had a pretty good chance of getting accepted, even though we put in our application quite late (less than two months before Dhu'l-Hijjah). After weeks and weeks of endless waiting (Hajj is all about the waiting game, isn't it?), last night we finally got our answer. 

Turns out they had no more room for a couple left. 
Either my Man goes by himself, or we both go next year insha'Allah. Next year it is. 
Of course I felt what any normal believer would feel; disappointed. sad. lost. confused. 
I cried thinking "Why doesn't Allah (swt) want to invite me?" "It's because I don't deserve His forgiveness, isn't it?" "I should have done more...made more dua..."
But these thoughts are all from Shaytan. 

I remember telling my Man before we found out that if we don't end up going, we shouldn't feel let down. It doesn't end here. Life keeps on going and we have to keep up with it. The truth is it has already been written for us not to go this year.

"No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's Decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.'' 
(Umar ibn al-Khattab r.a)

There is always a reason behind His wisdom. A reason behind any hardship or calamity that befalls us. A reason behind a blessing. A reason behind everything. We might not understand it right this moment, but we will understand why sometime in the future insha'Allah. 

One day I will look back and say "Alhamdulilah. I see it now." 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Oh Allah, how beautiful and merciful you are.

I upload videos not for the sake of "filling in space" on my blog.
I upload beneficial lectures because as it may have benefited me, I think it will do you some good too.
I do this because I want us all to go to Jannah, together. (Yes, I know it sounds very corny...but it's true.)


Lecture really starts at 4mins+. 
I can assure you that your half an hour watching this video is time well spent.

May Allah (swt) grant us all the passion for reading and reciting His book and the knowledge, understanding and implication of His book in our lives.

Ameen.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Eye of the tiger.

Okay, I gotta be honest. I have a tendency to daydream, a lot. When I say 'a lot', I really do mean every single day without fail. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm doing it until the person speaking to me snaps me out of the moment. It's a bad habit, I know. Although I can't really say I hate it because every girl likes to fantasize once in a while, right? My problem is that I do it way too often. And most of the time it's about the dunya. The things I want to do, the things I did, the things I could have done, the things I love doing, the things I see myself doing and it goes on. If it's not about me, it's someone else. Especially now that my eyes are set on a target, I find my passion for it growing bigger and bigger every time it crosses my mind or when someone brings it up, so it's hard not let myself get caught up in 'what could be'. 

Picture this. Take the one thing you love doing so much. Be it writing, photography, cooking, debating, exercising, memorizing whatever. When you're doing it, it makes you happy. You smile. You're at ease. It brings joy in your life. You feel peaceful, even for a moment. Because it means so much to you, you want to share it with the world. You want to make something happen with it. Something big. But...it's a life-long dream. Things like these usually require a lot of hard work, patience and most importantly, dua. Surely, we all know that success doesn't just happen overnight. Oh how I wish it did. 

And then you realise your real purpose in life. Your five daily prayers, your morning and evening zhikr, your Quran, your tahajjud, your fasting, your seeking knowledge, your death all brings you back to Allah and a pang of guilt rush through your body. You feel weak for wanting this life more than the hereafter. You feel like you've failed yourself and your Creator. You feel like you've wasted too much time dreaming about this world so much so that your hereafter terrifies you. You feel like you're not deserving of Jannah. You're almost giving up hope. So you repent. You cry.

Not long after, this dunya consumes you again and you forget about the reality of life. You're back at square 1. 

Now my question is, how do you know that this dream you're having is worth chasing after? Do you ever think that you're forsaking your hereafter by working for this life? Or are you juggling both? I'm sure we can do both, no? 

...of course, it's only common sense to let it go if it takes you away from the remembrance of Allah and makes you forget your purpose in life. 


---

”Competition in [worldly] increase diverts you. Until you visit the graves” (Qur’an 102:1-2)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Forgive me for abandoning you.

Surprise, I'm back! I've missed you dear blog and bloggers. I'm terribly, awfully sorry for going on hiatus without any notice. I can't believe it's been 10 months! 10 months! Unbelievable. Time goes by so fast it scares me. Therefore, please forgive me for my shortcomings, for I am in need of your mercy and His mercy. 

You see, as soon as The Man entered my life, he became my whole world. He became my mornings, afternoons and nights. He became my best friend. He became my guardian. He became my shoulder to cry on. He became my life partner. My boss. My ATM (hehe). My punching bag. My Spiderman (spider-catcher?). My guinea pig. And everything else a husband would be. Oh yes, I'm married by the way. Alhamdulilah. It's been almost 8 months now...so you see why I've been away for so long! Now I understand why so many newlyweds "disappear" for a while after they get married. I'm ashamed to say that I became one of them. *sigh* Anyway, alhamdulilah we can all only improve on how we are today, not yesterday. 

So much has happened since January here's a short recap: 

  • [Jan] Went on a month long holiday to Malaysia. Last holiday as a "single" lady and travelled around with my parents. Stopped by Sabah, Borneo for a couple of days and the first ever Survivor Island, Pulau Tiga. Spent time with relatives, filled tummy and luggage with goodies and much much more.
  • [Feb] Hosted Shahirah for two days and took her around Melbourne. Oh how I miss you Sha. 
  • My nikah. 27.02.2011. An intimate garden ceremony with family and close friends. Details and pictures soon, insha'Allah.
  • [March] Planning for my waleemah. "Lovebirds" period - mind in cloud nine. I think it's still there...
  • [April] Our waleemah. It was combined with my niece's aqeeqah. Basically it was a huge feast. 
  • Went on a mini honeymoon trip to Mount Dandenong and stayed 3 nights at The Japanese Slipper.
  • Moved into our new unit. 
  • [May - June] Settling in and getting used to a new routine. Housewife duties included chores, cooking, sweeping, moping, cleaning, attending to husband's needs and all that goes with it (hardly did housework before marriage so it was tough, especially the cooking! My whole day was spent researching what to cook, learning the ingredients and how to cook.)
  • [July] Turned twenty-one!
  • [August - September] Ramadhan + Eid. Hope you all had a blessed month and Eid celebration. 
  • [Oct] Back to blogging. Because 1. I miss it. 2. I miss the people. 3. It boosts my emaan. 4. I miss writing. 5. I need some time for myself away from The Man. It's about time. Don't you think?
JazakAllahu khayran to those who wrote their concern while I was away. Bi'ithnillahi ta'ala I will try my best to keep up with my blog and the emails.

Now I feel like giving you all a big, warm hug!