Are you ready?
Turns out I was right all along.
I made istikhara again and got my answer two days after my last post. But I wanted some time to reassure myself.
Now I am confident I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. this beautiful, humble man. I just know that it is right. I want to go through trials and hardships with him. I want to enjoy life with him. I want to live life with him. I want to worship Allah (swt) together with him. Even with all the concerns my family have, I know that he will be good for me, in this life and in the hereafter. We both feel the same way and we truly believe that this is all from Allah (swt). SubhanAllah, I honestly do not deserve a man with that kind of character after all the things I've done in the past. Allah (swt) is so Merciful, so Generous. He may not be rich, but he has a good heart and I rather he lack in other areas than in his deen and character. I know that he is my test in this dunya. Life won't be easy after marriage, for sure. But I am willing to take that chance and work things out together with patience and sincerity.
My parents are finding it hard to accept my decision. InshaAllah with time, they will come around. I'm making lots of dua for Allah (swt) to make it easy for us to unite in marriage, if we are indeed good for each other.
Thank you all for your support. MashaAllah I truly treasure all of you.