For the past few weeks, I've had an urge to go and make dawah. I want to call people to Islam. I want to talk about Allah (swt) all the time. I love speaking about Him. I love being in the presence of people who love him. I want to tell people about Allah and his bounties. The thing is, I don't know what to say or how to say it. I lack knowledge. I lack experience. For me, I write better than I speak. I can't think on the spot nor can I convince people with my words.
The other day, I was out distributing pamphlets around my neighbourhood. I came across an old Greek woman and offered her my help in carrying her pot of spaghetti bolognese for her grandson. While walking with her, I asked her about God and whether she believed in God. She couldn't speak English well so it was really difficult to keep the conversation going. She said in a strong Greek accent, "Yea...there is one God for everybody." And then I just blanked. What was I supposed to say next? I asked if she could read, she said no. So I didn't give her a pamphlet. Then, her grandson stopped by as he was driving. I gave him the pot and went on my way. You know what I should have done? I should have given him some dawah material. I didn't. When I think back, there are potentially so many things I could or should have done for the sake of Allah. But I hesitated. I was afraid.
I want to help our Ummah. I want to help people find their way. I want to save people from the harsh punishment of the grave. punishment on the Day of Judgement. punishment in Hellfire. I tried speaking to my mum and step-dad about working for the hereafter instead for this dunya...but only my step-dad was listening and conversing with me. I cried. I cried because I'm failing to save my families from Hellfire. I cried because I doing my best and that is still not good enough. I cried because I can't save them if they can't save themselves. I'm being patient. I know these things take time. Lots and lots of time. I know that I can't give up. I can't lose hope in Allah (swt). It is true though. Allah doesn't guide those whom you love, rather He guides those whom He wills. And that is a fact we have to accept. As we are, ultimately, His slaves after all.
Oh our Lord, save us.
Oh our Lord, save us.