Saturday, June 19, 2010

The D word.

Nobody likes it.

Death? Yes.
Divorce? Oh yeah.

Divorce. I hate that word. I hate everything that's associated with it. I was talking about it with my sister today in the ride home. She and her hubby told me to find the right one to settle down with. The thing is, how am I ever supposed to know who is THE ONE? Only Allah knows. I can only try my best. Just thinking about finding a life partner scares me. I'm scared because I may never experience falling in love again. Falling in love and knowing that your future is secured. It made me even more upset because I kept thinking about him. It's been more than a year since I've left him, for the sake of Allah. and Alhamdulilah I thank Allah for not letting me bump into him on the streets. God knows I'd just drop down and cry.

Back when we were together, he made me feel as though I was the one for him. He would always tell me how much he loved me and that no one else would love me as much as he did. I really felt it, then. I would always remember the conversation we had just before it ended. For him, I was the main priority in his life but he wasn't mine. Because if he was, I wouldn't even think of breaking up with him. When he said that I loved God more than him, I would always object (I wasn't really practicing then). The reason I ended it was because I realised my duty as a Muslim, and I knew being with him wasn't right. I knew I meant the world to him. We talked about getting married, having children and growing old together. I thought that was love. He knew for himself that I was truly the only one for him. He'd even tell me that he'd never cheat on me and that if I chose him, I can be sure he'd be faithful to me. I believed him. However, I broke it off because no matter how much he says we'll be together forever, no matter how much he says he loves me, deep down I always knew that I simply couldn't trust him. Him being a human being. But I could trust Allah. So I put my trust in Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and know that He has something even better planned for me. I'm just afraid of what it'll be.

So this is why I'm scared. What if I'll never find someone who'll love me more than he did? I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm the type of person who only wants to marry once. Only wants to fall in love once. I've always thought that I'd meet a guy, and he'll be it. But then I had my heart broken. I just don't want it broken again. Having a broken heart, sucks.

But...

“God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.” - Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

If I trust Allah, I needn't worry. If I trust Allah, I should be patient. If I trust Allah, I should know that he will provide for me. And only Allah knows best.

6 comments:

  1. Divorce is a very ugly thing. And the biggests 'victims' are the children. But if the divorce happened and made out for better circumstances for EVERYONE, then it's different.

    I think people divorce much too easily these days. Not only in western society, but in Muslim countries too.

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  2. Assalamualaykum sister, your writing here makes me believe that I dont need to be scared if I put my trust only to Allah. Allah will give me and you too.. the best one, someday. :)

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  3. I know. When my sister told me that so and so were divorced, I was really shocked! I mean, a lot of them are really young...and have only been married for a year or so. I think the main reason for that is because a lot of them get married too young - or maybe they rushed into it too quickly. SubhanAllah. I really hate divorce so much. I've seen what it has done to my parents, and to my sister and I. It's not a pretty sight. It was a really tough time for us. Someone even told me that it has heavily affected the way I think and the people I meet in life. Now I have a hard time trusting people.

    Anyway, I read this story a few days ago. http://hamidswisdom.blogspot.com/2010/06/true-chivalry.html
    I know divorce is allowed in Islam...but if you fear and love Allah, divorce should be the last thing on your mind. It is the least liked thing by our Creator.

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  4. i also shudder when i hear ppl are getting divorced, although i can understand that in many cases it can be the best decision for a couple like it was for my mum. but i do absolutely agree with you in the importance of trusting in allah. it feels like many ppl these days seem very unwilling to commit and develop with each other when it comes to marriage. in terms of finding someone, we all ask ourselves the what ifs. my husband was honestly, the last person in the world i pictured myself marrying haha. it actually thought it was a huge risk for us but i actually placed my trust in his relationship and love and fear of allah as u said.

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  5. ur rily courageaous i was engaged bt it gt broken
    i thought i was in luv vid him the first months were just soo wonderful he wud always txt me call me b t slowly he started to change he would nt b in touch wid me for days
    n den he break up our 1 year relationship he dint care abt my reputation
    i suffered gt a nervous breakdown bt tthen i decided to trust allah n to leave evthin on his hands
    now i just ask him the strenght to not hate my ex coz i found out he has moved on 1 month after the break up
    anyways a brother proposed me i did the istekharo n it came YES bt dis time i dnt wanna take any risk i just want to ask u ppple if istekharo is YES should i agree to his proposal
    plz reply

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  6. Salam Sis,

    MashaAllah Allah (swt) will always be there to help us in all the trials he gave us. If He gave it to us, the He will be there to help us get through it. About the brother, if you got good feelings after making istikhara, it's good to take the brother into consideration...get to know him a little bit more, and if you like what you see in the brother, then you can still make istikhara again just to be sure. But if you go against what Allah (swt) has deemed to be better for you, then that's a different story. Allah (swt) knows who is good for us, and who aren't. So trust your instincts inshaAllah, get to know the brother inside out and then make your judgement. :)

    All the best sis.

    xx

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