Nobody likes it.
Divorce? Oh yeah.
Divorce. I hate that word. I hate everything that's associated with it. I was talking about it with my sister today in the ride home. She and her hubby told me to find the right one to settle down with. The thing is, how am I ever supposed to know who is THE ONE? Only Allah knows. I can only try my best. Just thinking about finding a life partner scares me. I'm scared because I may never experience falling in love again. Falling in love and knowing that your future is secured. It made me even more upset because I kept thinking about him. It's been more than a year since I've left him, for the sake of Allah. and Alhamdulilah I thank Allah for not letting me bump into him on the streets. God knows I'd just drop down and cry.
Back when we were together, he made me feel as though I was the one for him. He would always tell me how much he loved me and that no one else would love me as much as he did. I really felt it, then. I would always remember the conversation we had just before it ended. For him, I was the main priority in his life but he wasn't mine. Because if he was, I wouldn't even think of breaking up with him. When he said that I loved God more than him, I would always object (I wasn't really practicing then). The reason I ended it was because I realised my duty as a Muslim, and I knew being with him wasn't right. I knew I meant the world to him. We talked about getting married, having children and growing old together. I thought that was love. He knew for himself that I was truly the only one for him. He'd even tell me that he'd never cheat on me and that if I chose him, I can be sure he'd be faithful to me. I believed him. However, I broke it off because no matter how much he says we'll be together forever, no matter how much he says he loves me, deep down I always knew that I simply couldn't trust him. Him being a human being. But I could trust Allah. So I put my trust in Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and know that He has something even better planned for me. I'm just afraid of what it'll be.
So this is why I'm scared. What if I'll never find someone who'll love me more than he did? I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm the type of person who only wants to marry once. Only wants to fall in love once. I've always thought that I'd meet a guy, and he'll be it. But then I had my heart broken. I just don't want it broken again. Having a broken heart, sucks.
“God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.” - Shaykh Hamza Yusuf
If I trust Allah, I needn't worry. If I trust Allah, I should be patient. If I trust Allah, I should know that he will provide for me. And only Allah knows best.