Friday, March 26, 2010

Is it just me or...

Does your heart sometimes get "clouded" too?

SubhanAllah, I was just listening to a lecture in the car on the way home about less than an hour ago...and it's so true. When we watch TV, or do things that distract us from our deen, it clouds our hearts. It blackens our hearts. It becomes a distraction to everything we do. Like when we want to pray, we are praying...but our minds and hearts are thinking about something else. We dont want it to be there, we dont want it, we want to concentrate as much as we can on our Salah, we tell ourselves to Focus, you can do it, just focus, be closer to Allah. But your heart has been so tainted, even by the slightest sin that we dont have the connection anymore. We are rushing...we dont want to rush our prayer. But we do anyway. Then you just feel like the world is moving too fast, and you can't slow down. You want to slow down so bad but the Shaytan is stopping you from peace. A'oozubillahi minash Shaytan nirajeem.

And also, we say one thing but we do another. I feel like I keep putting things off. I have to learn to stop it. I have to learn to say 'No, I'll do it now, because I know if not, it will never be done.' or 'I'll definitely do it when I say I'll do it.' Procrastination is one of my biggest weaknesses. And I know that the Shaytan is using that against me. I have to fight it. I know I'm stronger than that. I want to do so many things, I want to achieve too many things...but I have such little time to do so. Sometimes I forget to just take things, one step at a time. There is no tomorrow, until tomorrow actually comes. That, I have to remember. So I have to focus on today.

Strive, girl, strive.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

i am me.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. So do you. But while I'm aware of all the things I've said or done wrong, I'd like to take this opportunity to make sincere apologies to all my fellow brothers and sisters, whether you're on the bloggosphere or in real life. Even though some may not know that I'm expressing my feelings right now, inshaAllah I hope Allah will forgive me for my past, present and future sins. Sometimes I say or do things out of impulse...and because of that action, it makes me regret what I have done and makes me question my personality/self. Why do I do things like that? Is that what makes me so hard to get along with? Or do people not understand me well enough to know that I actually mean well? That I actually love them...? And that I love all my friends and family...? SubhanAllah, it's times like these when I'm in doubt, I just turn to Allah, turn to the Quran. Right then, I feel comforted. I know that I'm not alone. I know that if I'm patient enough, the right friends will come along my way. Friends who will help guide me onto the path of Jannah, friends who help increase my deen, friends who I can trust and love for the sake of Allah. And friends who are always there for me when I need them. I know that if I'm patient enough inshaAllah one day Allah will provide me with a pious husband who will complete half my deen. All I want is just to be a better Muslim, and to please my creator by pleasing my family and my ummah. I know that if I'm patient enough, Allah will provide me with acquaintances who will help me achieve that. My level of deen is obviously completely different to what you may be, you could be much more knowledgeable, or I could be more knowledgeable than you. Allahu Wallam. I dont see myself as any better than you. Neither should you. We should look at our own mistakes before we judge others. We are all students of knowledge...until the day we die.