Sunday, December 26, 2010

He who has no one has Allah (swt).

And he who has Allah,

has everything.

This video is one of the best lectures given masha'Allah. Take some time out to listen insha'Allah.


The test he did made me realise that I need to say 'La ilaha ilallah' more.You never know when will be your last words subhanAllah.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Phase two of my life.

Completed High School. Tick.
Attended University. Tick.
Get Drivers License. Tick.
Go overseas. Tick.
Meet potential Husband.Tick.
Finished my first Degree. Tick.

Alhamdulilah. Praise be only to Allah (swt), Most Glorious, Most Merciful.
I had my graduation ceremony on Tuesday.
Now, welcome to reality.

I was going to post pictures of my uni, The University of Melbourne for you all to see. It's such a beautiful place mashaAllah. I'm quite saddened that I will not longer be going there. Unfortunately, there will be no photos today. My house was broken into. They stole my mum's laptop, her jewellery, and my beloved camera. My sweet Canon DSLR. We estimated it was around $20,000 worth of stolen goods. SubhanAllah. To Allah (swt) we belong and unto Him we return. Let us remind ourselves that nothing we own is ours. They can take whatever they want from me, the only thing they can't take away is my iman and my love for Allah (swt). That, only He can take away if He wills. Oh Allah, please protect me and all of my brothers and sisters in Islam from kufr. There are two things I truly fear most, death and falling into disbelieve. A'oozubillah. 

Even though I had something I loved dearly taken away from me, I'm in an extremely generous mood. Alhamdulilah. So you better take advantage of it. Muslims love free stuff, don't they? I know I do.

Here's what I have to give you. To two of you. One to someone living within the US and one to someone living anywhere in the world!

(Click on the image to find out more)

I just received mine in the mail a few days ago and I'm totally loving it. I've been anxiously waiting for the past few weeks for it. Alhamdulilah the wait was worth it.

All you need to do is leave a comment with your favourite Ayat, Hadith or Islamic quote, 
your email and location,
and one of these could be yours.

I was supposed to have a giveaway almost two months ago. Alhamdulilah it couldn't have been at a better time... What a way to celebrate Phase Two of my life. I wonder what 2011 brings. I wonder what I aim to achieve in that year. I wonder who I'll be by the time I'm 21. I only hope that I become wiser. better. more knowledgeable. stronger. independent. determined. Insha'Allah. 

Monday, December 20, 2010

this is it.

I made my decision.

Are you ready?



















Turns out I was right all along.

I made istikhara again and got my answer two days after my last post. But I wanted some time to reassure myself.

Now I am confident I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. this beautiful, humble man. I just know that it is right. I want to go through trials and hardships with him. I want to enjoy life with him. I want to live life with him. I want to worship Allah (swt) together with him. Even with all the concerns my family have, I know that he will be good for me, in this life and in the hereafter. We both feel the same way and we truly believe that this is all from Allah (swt). SubhanAllah, I honestly do not deserve a man with that kind of character after all the things I've done in the past. Allah (swt) is so Merciful, so Generous. He may not be rich, but he has a good heart and I rather he lack in other areas than in his deen and character. I know that he is my test in this dunya. Life won't be easy after marriage, for sure. But I am willing to take that chance and work things out together with patience and sincerity. 

My parents are finding it hard to accept my decision. InshaAllah with time, they will come around. I'm making lots of dua for Allah (swt) to make it easy for us to unite in marriage, if we are indeed good for each other. 

Thank you all for your support. MashaAllah I truly treasure all of you.
JazakAllahu khairun.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Could this be?

My heart is doing somersaults. backflips. you name it. When I think of him, I feel safe.When I'm with him, I feel comfortable. I'm myself. I don't feel the need to be pretentious. I feel protected. I feel like it's right. Some people say that when you meet someone, you just know that it's the right person. Even though I've only met him twice, from what I have seen and from what my friends have told me, I know that he has a heart of gold. Yes, I also know that I could be wrong. But, based on our encounter, this is what I'm feeling right now. Maybe things will change later on. Maybe it won't. All I know is that he's different. There's something about him. And I would be an absolute idiot if I let him go. 

Will he be the one to replace what I have lost?
Will he be the one to keep me safe from harm?
Will he be the one to make up for all the times I had my heart broken?
Will he bring peace and happiness?
Will he be my path to Jannah?

Only Allah knows.
Please make dua for me.
I ask Allah (swt) to grant all you beautiful sisters in Islam pious spouses who will be good for your religion, your world, your life, your hereafter. Someone who will be a means for you to enter Jannah.

Save yourself and your families.

For the past few weeks, I've had an urge to go and make dawah. I want to call people to Islam. I want to talk about Allah (swt) all the time. I love speaking about Him. I love being in the presence of people who love him. I want to tell people about Allah and his bounties. The thing is, I don't know what to say or how to say it. I lack knowledge. I lack experience. For me, I write better than I speak. I can't think on the spot nor can I convince people with my words. 

The other day, I was out distributing pamphlets around my neighbourhood. I came across an old Greek woman and offered her my help in carrying her pot of spaghetti bolognese for her grandson. While walking with her, I asked her about God and whether she believed in God. She couldn't speak English well so it was really difficult to keep the conversation going. She said in a strong Greek accent, "Yea...there is one God for everybody." And then I just blanked. What was I supposed to say next? I asked if she could read, she said no. So I didn't give her a pamphlet. Then, her grandson stopped by as he was driving. I gave him the pot and went on my way. You know what I should have done? I should have given him some dawah material. I didn't. When I think back, there are potentially so many things I could or should have done for the sake of Allah. But I hesitated. I was afraid.

I want to help our Ummah. I want to help people find their way. I want to save people from the harsh punishment of the grave. punishment on the Day of Judgement. punishment in Hellfire. I tried speaking to my mum and step-dad about working for the hereafter instead for this dunya...but only my step-dad was listening and conversing with me. I cried. I cried because I'm failing to save my families from Hellfire. I cried because I doing my best and that is still not good enough. I cried because I can't save them if they can't save themselves. I'm being patient. I know these things take time. Lots and lots of time. I know that I can't give up. I can't lose hope in Allah (swt). It is true though. Allah doesn't guide those whom you love, rather He guides those whom He wills. And that is a fact we have to accept. As we are, ultimately, His slaves after all. 

Ya Allah.
Rabbi Sal'em.
Oh our Lord, save us.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Dancing in the rain...

You have no, no idea how much I love rain.

I love it when it pours.

I love playing in the rain. I love dancing in the rain.

And that is exactly what I did today.

It is the best feeling in the world. 

It was like Allah was showering his mercy in the rain. Like as though my sins were washed away with every little drop of rain. I can't imagine what it would be like to have your sins washed away...I wonder what it would be like on the Day of Judgement, when that actually happens inshaAllah.

Try it sometime.
Have fun a little.
Play a little.
Smile. And know that He is watching you.

Allahumma Sayyiban Naafian. 
“O Allaah, (bring) beneficial rain clouds.”

I'm writing on 4.5 hours of sleep, so forgive my mistakes. Am shooting off to bed right now. But before...must give you an update!

I met him...

He's shy.

So we talked.

Or, I talked.

He's older. Much older.

He's someone I would be attracted to.

I guess that's good news.

But there's still so much I don't know.

So we will pray istikhara and go from there.

Watch out for update No. 2 soon. 


Off to la la land. 
Goodnight you.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Message to Allah.

Oh Allah,

My Creator, my Sustainer, my Protector, my Guardian, my Counserlor, my Bodyguard, my Best Friend.

You have done so much for me, you provided me the world.

and what have I done for you?

No good deeds I do will ever be enough to thank you.
No words of dhikr will ever be enough to glorify you.
No matter how much I thank you, it will never be enough.
I am bound to forget other things.
Cause your blessings are countless.
I don't deserve all the things you've given me.
You are so good to me, oh Allah.

and yet I still sin.
Still so weak.
Please make me among the best of the best.
Make me among those who have the best of manners.
Make me among those who are patient, thankful and compassionate.
Make me among those who follow the sunnah of the Prophet (saw)
Make me among those who never forget you, in everything they do.
Make me among those who do things for Your sake.
Make me among the people of Paradise.

Ameen Ya Rabb.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A powerful message.

Amazing video subhanAllah. 

A good story with a moral. 

Share it with everyone. 

Your Muslim and non-Muslim friends.



Two more essays until I'm done. Yay.
Try and do as much as you can during the 10 days of Dhul Hijjah.
And remember to make dua for all the bloggers.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

In need of you.

Somebody hug me.
Hug me tight.
And never let me go.
Hug me tight.
Like as though there's no tomorrow.
Hug me tight.
And let me feel safe.
Hug me tight.
And hold me close to your face.
Hug me tight.
With your arms around me.
Hug me tight.
And tell me you love me.
Hug me tight.
And just hold me.
Until I'm ready to let go.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Be thankful, always.

This is what I was thinking at 4am in the morning.

We deserve everything that we've been given in life. 
Both good and bad.

You failed your exam. You deserved it.
Allah (swt) is teaching you not to give up hope. to keep going until you finish. to try harder. 

You had a car accident and lost a body part. You deserved it.
Allah (swt) is telling you not to take your life for granted. to remember Him always. to fear Him. fear death. 

You are just really happy. for no reason. You deserve it. 
Allah (swt) is showing you that He loves his slaves. that He is pleased with you and wants you to thank Him. He is giving you a beautiful gift, a gift of happiness. 

Everything in life is a lesson for us all. You just have to look harder. Think deep.

Anything that befalls on us, be it pleasure or hardship, happens so that we remember Allah (swt). 

The next time you break your expensive watch, your $2000 camera, your iphone; or your handbag, shoes, clothes decide that it's time for you to move on; or someone accidentally bumps into you on the street or steps on your foot; or you simply forgot to take the rubbish out after being told countless times by your Mum; or you left the lights on after leaving home...Instead of saying:

S&*^%!

say,

ALHAMDULILAH!

Say for instance you have a baby. The baby is your heart and soul. It's all you think about, night and day. One small thing happens to your child, you become frantic. You go nuts. You are so attached to the baby, you forget that the baby does not belong to you. It belongs to Allah (swt). and He can take it away from you any time He wants. Nothing in this world belongs to us. I mean, NOTHING - except our emaan.

Ok, so maybe it's not a baby, but your brand new car.  Or the new job that you just started. Or your Husband, the love of your life. You love it so much that you can't sleep at night. Ask yourselves this, do you love these things more than you love Allah (swt)? These things are all dunya things. Yes, even babies. Think about it.

Be in this world as though you are a stranger. Cause you will never know when you're going to leave it.
Are you ready?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My Dua List.

I apologise for the lack of posts. I have been terribly busy lately. The past few weeks have gone by like lightning.

I have missed you, really. I miss your sweet comforting words. Your encouraging words. Your support. Your loyalty. Your honesty. Your sincere advices. Your unique personality. Your excitement. You.


So inshaAllah next month I will be having a give-away. Why? Because it will be Eid in September...and also it will mark my one year on Blogger. And also because I'm nice like that. I find joy in giving. Let me tell you of all the years I have spent blogging (started on Diaryland then Livejournal and now Blogger), this blog has had the most impact on my life. I feel like I have come a long way since I started last year. Yes, it has been an emotional ride....but it's made me who I am today. Sorrow, heartbreak, anger, frustration, love, mercy, happiness...are all a part of life. And this is my life. This is me.

 I haven't exactly decided what, when, how many or to whom. But I know I want to do something special for you. Could be something bought. Or something made. It's a surprise. Keep a look-out.

Since it's Ramadan, I have decided to make a list of things to ask Allah (swt) so that I know what to make say when I break fast. And also so I don't forget. If there are anything you think I need to include on this list,  please feel free to leave a comment. ;)

My Dua List
Forgiveness for my major and minor sins.
Increase/strengthen my memory and faith
Bring me closer to Him and to the Ummah.
Bring the Ummah in unity.
Grant me a place in Jannah.
Protection from the Hellfire.
Protection from Shaytan and Shirik.
Guide my friends and family. Show them the straight path.
Personal Duas for family.
Grant me good in this life and in the hereafter.
Forgive our Brothers and Sisters in Islam and accept their Duas.
Grant me a righteous/loving Husband who will be good for my life, my religion, my hereafter.
Make it easy for me to do Dunya tasks like Uni/work so that I can spend my time worshipping You.
Bless all the things that I choose to do in Your path and make it a success.
Grant me trustworthy/righteous female companions.
Preserve our Sheikhs/Imams in Islam.
Answer the Duas of those oppressed and grant them the best in Jannah.
Protect me from all evil.
Protect my ears, eyes, nose and hands from evil.
Give me light, front, back, side, light.
Provide for me light in the Grave.
Allow me to die as a Muslim with La ilaha ilallah on my tongue just before my life is taken.
Bless those all around me, Bless all the Muslims I've spoken to in my life, Bless them with goodness.
Give me good health, prolong my health so that I can spend the years worshipping you, so that I can pray before you. But give me death, if death is good for me.
Grant me patience and wisdom when making Da'wah.
Forgive us for all our shortcomings and insufficiencies in our good deeds..
Accept our prayers and disregard our mistakes and wrongdoings.

...there's just so many things we need from Allah. The Dua list never ends.
Don't stop making Dua.

Ramadan Mubarak!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

You & me.

You can't always get along with everybody. 
There will be people you can easily talk to,
and there will be times when you have to make a little extra effort to keep the conversation going.
Everyone is different.
Face it.
Accept it.
Get over it. 

& move on.

When you do find that someone you have that connection with,
make sure you do your best to keep them in your life.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

How low can you go?

Let me tell you something,
anger
solves

nothing. 

My Dad was upset with me today. I'll just cut to the chase. It was all a miscommunication. He was angry at me for not telling him something...claiming that it was all "my fault". Yes, I told him about it a little too late. But the thing is, I would have said it before had he not been impatient and frustrated in the first place. I don't want to go into details about what happened, all I want to say is that when you're angry, you don't think logically. Not only do you upset yourself, you also upset others around you. It's only when things calm down after a while that you realised what you have done or what you should have done. Save yourself and others the trouble and energy and act appropriately. I know it can be extremely tough at times, especially when you're in a hurry, but honestly, when you're calm, everyone else is calm. When you're furious, you make others furious. Your attitude is like a mirror, it reflects on others. 

He was arguing that it was my fault. I believed that it was only partly my fault. I was almost about to say "Well, it was not just me. It was your fault too." when I decided to swallow my anger/pride/ego and I simply said "Sorry, it was my fault." I had to hold back my tears...I didn't want them to know that I was upset. My lips were trembling as I was driving home. I did that because I love my parents and I knew it was not right of me to be fighting with them, let alone blame it on them. I did that because Rasul (saw) would have swallowed his anger. In fact, I should have even done it earlier. I should have just kept my mouth shut and said "Sorry" without even arguing my point. It is just too damn hard to swallow your anger up so quick to the point where no one would have guessed that you were angry. 

That said, I'm glad I'm not that type of person who gets angry often. I only get worked up when the other person starts screaming at me (although this only applies to family members)...which is even worse. *Sigh* Apart from that, angry strangers amuse me. The angrier they are, the more I smile at them. But there have been cases when I just can't hold my smile for any longer...and I breakdown. 

So the lesson today is:

Swallow your pride.
Swallow your anger.

More importantly,
swallow your ego.

When you do it for the sake of Allah, you'll forget about the problem after a while. Because you know you have pleased your Creator. It won't even seem like a big deal anymore. 

So smile...
you'll make others smile. 

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dawah for life.

You see, it's Winter time down under. It's getting colder and colder by day (although our winter weather is probably nothing compared to the US or Canada). As we (my Dad and I) were driving to pick my sis up for lunch yesterday, I noticed that the windows started fogging up in the car and so I decided to do some Dawah. This was what I wrote on the windscreen so that others could see:

"Peace be upon Muhammad"

and

"Smiling is Charity"

I've realised that we make dawah in everything that we do. Especially for us women, the Hijab that we wear speaks on behalf of our Deen. We are immediately recognised as Muslims the moment we step outside with a  scarf over our heads. So how are you portraying your religion? How is your character? How is your speech? How is your body language? Do you smile just for the sake of smiling? Or is it your dull, lifeless face that people see? When was the last time you said "Assalamu 'alaikum" to a stranger? When you walk past another Muslim woman, do you pass by her as though she is just another human being or do you acknowledge that she is your Sister in Islam? I can't find the hadith but I think the Prophet (saw) said something along these lines: "There will come a time when Muslims will say Salam only to those whom they know." Be not people like this. It makes me so sad when I see so many Muslim women in the West walk around with sour faces. They're just so unfriendly, it puts you off. You get intimidated by them. Why then do you think the West have such negative conceptions about Muslims? 

We learn off each other. We imitate others who are closer to Allah than us. Be the best so that others follow your footsteps. Associate yourself with good Muslims who will help you become a better person, those who have good manners. That will definitely have a positive effect on you. You'll find that you will adopt their traits and habits. A friend of mine carries the pocket Quran with her everywhere she goes. I would always see her reading it. Because I admired her for that, I decided to get one for myself too. I feel like people waste too much time, especially waiting time. So why not get yourself a pocket Quran and read it when you're on the tram or when you're waiting somewhere while everyone else is daydreaming and looking out the window. Time is so precious. On the Day of Judgement, the only thing the people of Paradise will regret is the time they have spent not thinking of Allah. (Read/heard this somewhere...I just can't find the source.) There's so much reward in everything we do, why don't we do them?

*Sorry if I sound harsh. I'm really a nice person. *smileee* I met a fellow blogger over the weekend. Brave Chickens, back me up here! 

Saturday, June 19, 2010

The D word.

Nobody likes it.

Death? Yes.
Divorce? Oh yeah.

Divorce. I hate that word. I hate everything that's associated with it. I was talking about it with my sister today in the ride home. She and her hubby told me to find the right one to settle down with. The thing is, how am I ever supposed to know who is THE ONE? Only Allah knows. I can only try my best. Just thinking about finding a life partner scares me. I'm scared because I may never experience falling in love again. Falling in love and knowing that your future is secured. It made me even more upset because I kept thinking about him. It's been more than a year since I've left him, for the sake of Allah. and Alhamdulilah I thank Allah for not letting me bump into him on the streets. God knows I'd just drop down and cry.

Back when we were together, he made me feel as though I was the one for him. He would always tell me how much he loved me and that no one else would love me as much as he did. I really felt it, then. I would always remember the conversation we had just before it ended. For him, I was the main priority in his life but he wasn't mine. Because if he was, I wouldn't even think of breaking up with him. When he said that I loved God more than him, I would always object (I wasn't really practicing then). The reason I ended it was because I realised my duty as a Muslim, and I knew being with him wasn't right. I knew I meant the world to him. We talked about getting married, having children and growing old together. I thought that was love. He knew for himself that I was truly the only one for him. He'd even tell me that he'd never cheat on me and that if I chose him, I can be sure he'd be faithful to me. I believed him. However, I broke it off because no matter how much he says we'll be together forever, no matter how much he says he loves me, deep down I always knew that I simply couldn't trust him. Him being a human being. But I could trust Allah. So I put my trust in Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) and know that He has something even better planned for me. I'm just afraid of what it'll be.

So this is why I'm scared. What if I'll never find someone who'll love me more than he did? I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm the type of person who only wants to marry once. Only wants to fall in love once. I've always thought that I'd meet a guy, and he'll be it. But then I had my heart broken. I just don't want it broken again. Having a broken heart, sucks.

But...

“God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.” - Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

If I trust Allah, I needn't worry. If I trust Allah, I should be patient. If I trust Allah, I should know that he will provide for me. And only Allah knows best.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Labbaik Allah humma labbaik - Here I am O Lord!

Yes, I is back.

Finished all my assignments for the Semester, alhamdulilah. I'll have approximately 6 weeks holidays. Yahoo! But I plan to make the most of every single day inshaAllah. I want to keep myself busy so that I can look back and think "Wow, I have done a lot over the holidays! Time well spent". Right now as you can see, I'm in the process of re-doing my layout. Yes, I know. The comment section is gone. But not forever inshaAllah. I will try and fix that up when I have time. In the meantime you can say hello on my 'oh, hello' page. For some reason, the layouts I wanted to use didnt seem to work on blogger. And I also accidentally clicked 'revert to classic template' and have been so frustrated ever since because I can't seem to REVERT BACK.

I need some help.
How do I go back to the 'design' template? At the moment, blogger only allows me to do things via html - and I suck at html-ing. As you can tell.
PS: I know, I know...how are you going to help if you can't even comment? So here's what you can do...either leave a note on my comment page, or email me at f.izmanng@gmail.com. JazakAllah Khair. ;)


===================================

This is what's on my mind right now.

Labbaik Allah humma labbaik
Labbaik la sharika laka labbaik
Innal hamda
Wan-ni'mata
Laka walmulk
Laa sharika lah.

O my Lord, here I am at Your service, here I am.
There is no partner with You,
here I am.
Truly the praise
and the provisions are Yours,
and so is the dominion and sovereignty.

There is no partner with You.

SubhanAllah ... it says it all.

I''ve always loved hearing "Labbaik Allah humma labbaik" but never knew the meaning. Have you ever heard something that you could not understand but you know it's heavy with meaning, and the more you say it, the more it touches your heart? (Obviously, I'm not talking about the Quran here). But that's how I've always felt with "Labbaik Allah humma labbaik". I didn't even know that this is recited during Hajj until today. I didn't even know what it meant until today. Oh, how I lack knowledge. Oh, how we lack knowledge.

Just look at the meaning. Look at how powerful it is. Look and ponder over it. Think about why exactly we are here in this dunya.

O my Lord, here I am at Your service.

Are we really at His service?

If we were to meet Allah today, tomorrow,
would we be pleased with ourselves?
would He be pleased with us?

When I saw this video, I couldn't help but think about the sole purpose of our lives.



It's not to get a degree. a double degree. a phD. a Masters. two Masters.
Not to get a the latest ipad and iphone.
Not about owning a fancy car or a house.
Not about buying that really gorgeous handbag you saw that the mall today.
I'm not saying we can't do these things.
Sure, we can.

But do not make it the reason you wake up in the morning.
Do things because you love your Creator.
Do it for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
And you'll eventually realise that you don't actually need those things.

& also...when I read the comments for the video,
one person said:
"this is a glimps of the day of judgement"

It gave me goosebumps.

So my dear Sisters in Islam,
do not forget why we are here.
Shaytan is constantly bugging us with worldly possessions and desires
that it slips our minds.
A'oozubillah.

This is a reminder for me first.
I hope I've sent the message across.
InshaAllah.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

Don't ever, EVER lose hope.

I just would like to say
that
I'm just so happy.

He answered my prayer.
Alhamdulilah.

I asked Him for a sign,
and
He gave me a sign.

I asked him for help,
and
He helped me.

He really, really does answer your duas.
So pray.
Supplicate to the Al-Mighty, Allah (azzawa jal)

I have not been able to stop smiling since this afternoon.
so happy. so ecstatic.

Let me be a girl,
so I can
SQUEAL
in excitement.

Seriously, take my word for it.
Have trust in Allah.
& Be patient.

For everything that he gives,
is indeed
good for you.


Be back in two weeks.
Assalamualaikum.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Starry night.


Sometimes I wonder who you are.

There is nothing better
than watching the stars at night
with the one you love.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

No one to thank but Allah.

I have been feeling really sad in the past two days or so. & I have been crying. alot. Crying because I'm scared. Crying because I'm lonely. Crying because I'm a sinner. Crying because I'm weak. Crying because I disappointed those whom I love. Crying because I'm not perfect. As much as I want to be the best I can be, I'm never there. I get upset over things I should have done, or could have done...but didn't do.

I feel like everyone has a childhood friend,
but me.
I feel like everyone has someone they can depend on,
but me.
I feel like everyone has a shoulder to cry on,
but me.

Sometimes I think people find it hard to communicate with me,
or maybe I find it hard to relate to them?
Whatever it is, I feel like no one really knows me.
They don't know that deep down,
I have a big heart.
I'm a genuinely nice person.
I like to spoil the people I love.
To be honest, it's rare to find someone like me.
Is this why I'm all alone?
Why dont they notice me?
Why do I feel so invisible?

After all, I'm only human. I have feelings, too. Somebody hug me.

So then, I was so exhausted I took a 30 minute nap.
I woke up feeling so much happier, alhamdulilah.

It's amazing what sleep can do to you. & chocolates. & prayer.
I've got no one to thank,
but Allah.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

This one is for all my Muslim Niqabi sisters.

I had the opportunity to wear the Niqab two weeks ago as part of my assignment. I was given the choice to actively participate or observe a bodily movement, so I chose the Niqab. Why? Because I was curious. I was curious as to how it feels to be behind the veil and to view the world through their eyes. I know a couple of sisters who wear the niqab and they're just lovely people. Despite this, I thought that the Niqab was a bad portrayal of Islam. Obviously, this thought was before my experience. Whenever I saw a Niqabi on the street, even though I respected them for wearing it, I still felt slightly intimidated. If I felt socially disconnected to them, then of course others would too. Actually, I was afraid of what others might think of it. Then, after I had gone through it myself, I realised that it shouldn’t matter what they think. What matters is how I feel, and how I perceive it. After all, we are doing it for the pleasure of Allah, not for society.

As my paper was theory based and badly written as I had done it last minute and handed it in late (whoops), I had to do a little editing. Here goes nothing.


Veiled: Through the eyes

Having been a devout Muslim a little more than a year ago since I took that big leap forward by putting on the Hijab (headscarf), I was curious and readily excited to experiment with the Niqab (face veil). Personally, I follow the opinion which classifies the Niqab as non-obligatory in Islam. Even so, I still wanted to wear the Niqab to understand for myself what it’s like to be “hidden behind the veil” and more importantly, to defy the controversies that’s associated with just a single piece of cloth.

So, it was on a lovely Saturday morning when I embarked on a trip to the Dandenong Market with my Step-mum as per usual – except this time I was covered from head to toe in loose black clothing with only my eyes visible to others. The thought of wearing the Niqab in public on my own did seem slightly daunting to me which is why I was accompanied by my Step-mum during this time. After we’ve had our tour of the market, browsed through the stalls and purchased our groceries, we then headed off to Fountain Gate Shopping Centre to run the last few errands.

Hidden behind my “mask”, I felt safe and protected within my own physical space, shielded by the piece of clothing covering my body. I did feel as though I was invisible, in a way. Whether it was walking through the crowded market or spacious malls, I could very much distinguish myself from the rest, in a physical and spiritual sense. Beneath the veil, I was a calm and content individual. To be honest, I felt morally superior than those around me. I knew that nothing could harm me, even if it did. Fascinatingly, the Niqab was freedom, religious freedom, despite what others may think. Unfortunately, the Muslim woman cannot claim her veil as a symbol of religious freedom as to be free means to be seen. It’s unsurprising as to why the veil is constantly being attacked in relation to issues of social cohesion and national identity. To some, based on their own conceptions, the veil is a symbol of oppression, subordination and a sign of “backwardness”. Whilst that may be the case in some cultures, it certainly was not in mine.

The Niqab definitely caught the eyes of the public, though people stared out of curiosity and not out of any apparent sexual attraction. I was conscious of myself being separate from the world, yet also conscious of myself perceiving the Niqab in my own way. Although, the way I viewed myself behind the veil was inherently different to the way my body image was projected to others, which is why I can sort of understand why society would label women who wear the Burka or Niqab as “oppressed”. Sadly, majority of them do not understand my reasons for wearing the Niqab. What they see is simply the end product of me being hidden behind the veil of which my covered body is judged and stereotyped.

Surely, the veil did conceal my facial expression and identity but that does not signify my inability to participate in social intercourse. Had they initiated contact or approached me, they would have been able to sense the friendly vibe that I was giving out by observing attentively to my bodily movements and the warm expression found in my eyes. Actions do too speak louder and more ambiguously than words.

But the veil is not only a material aspect which covers and protects the flesh. The cloth becomes a constant reminder of our duties as Muslims. The Niqab, especially, is a religious symbol in the sense that it serves to seclude ourselves from worldly life. Despite the political and religious obstacles and social boundaries that we encounter in society, the outsider’s prejudices and misconceptions help to keep us separate.

End note: Yeah I had alot of stares! It was kind of cool to notice who were looking at you - the difference in age groups. The young teenagers were probably thinking 'Omg, WHAT is she wearing?' 'She looks ______ wearing that' while others had a different opinion. Overall, it was a really interesting experience, I must say. Will I be wearing the Niqab in the future? Maybe. Who knows. Allahu Allam.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A few reminders to keep on going.

I think all of us constantly need to be reminded of doing good deeds, and not let the Shaytan get the better of us!

So here are some of the things I think about before acting upon it (inshaAllah I hope it will benefit you too).

I try to...

(During solat) remind myself that the Prophet (Saw) never ever missed his fard and sunnat prayers, and always prayed for hours and hours at night until his feet would swell. He prayed with such humbleness and tranquillity, thus, we should strive to pray as he did and not rush through our prayers or be distracted whilst praying. How fast do you read your Surahs in Solat?

Every fard solat is equivalent to 10 solats, it is as though you are praying 50 times a day. SubhanAllah. So don't ever miss a prayer.

(When making wudhu') remind myself that our Prophet (Saw) never used to waste water when he did his ablution. How high do you turn the tap when you're making wudhu'?

(good intentions) have the right intention and do things for the sake of Allah. Ask yourself this before undertaking a task, will Allah be pleased with what I'm about to do?

(when speaking) remember that there are always two angels next to me recording every word I say, so I have to try not to say any foul words. Would you want these beautiful Angels to write down s*** or f***? So instead, make zikrullah, praise Allah with phrases he loves like subhanAllah, Alhamdulilah, Allahu Akbar...and SubhanAllahi wabihamdi etc. But if you do accidentally say something bad, dont hesitate in repenting. One Angel records all the good things you say, and the other records the bad. However, the one who records the bad won't do so unless he is told by the one who writes good. So if you dont make istighfar and repent for what you've said, it will surely be written down. Also, with every bad word you use, it is like swearing upon your own Mother!

(say Bismillah) when doing anything. Whenever you say Bismillah, it makes the Shaytan/Jinn weaker. Don't forget to say Bismillah when entering your house, entering the bathroom, eating, drinking etc. in EVERYTHING you do (I'm still training myself to do so). I read this story yesterday that if a person never says bismillah, the qareen/jin will eat and drink with him and enter his home all the time.

mmm that's all I can get out of my head for now. InshaAllah Ill post more later.
I actually have a few things due next week - what am I doing online?!?

Yalla, take care.

ps: feel free to add more!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Jannah is at our Mother's feet. Please watch this video.



SubhanAllah.
Im utterly speechless.

:(
I love you mama.

Monday, April 26, 2010

I think I'm in love...

It’s a feeling indescribable. I’ve never met Him, but long to meet Him one day. Although it’s still in its early stages, I know this love will grow and keep growing endlessly (inshaAllah). The more I learn about what He is, what He can do, what He has done...the more I want to sacrifice for Him. Loving Him makes me cry yet He never fails to bring a smile to my face in ways not known to mankind. Loving Him scares me yet I’m willing to put all my faith and trust in Him. I know for a fact that no matter how much I love Him, He will always love me more. He will always want the best for me. He will always give more than what I can give Him. He is everything yet I am nothing.
Allahu Akbar.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Yet, they refuse.


O'Disbelievers,
Everyday you see His signs,
You see death.
You know you will die someday.
You know heaven and hell exists.
You know that you are sinning,
but you do it anyway...
Why?
To please yourself.
Not your Creator.

You walk past a Muslim woman everyday,
and you judge her for wearing the Hijab.
You ask yourself 'Why would she wear such a thing?'
but you never ask her for her reason.
You just accept it,
just like you accept a prostitute wearing a low cleavage top
and high heels.

You think that maybe there is a God
and you turn to him only when you need something.
When you are desperate,
you ask him for a favour.
And he gives.
He gives.

After He's return your plead,
you fail to thank Him for his blessing.
You become unsatisfied and impatient.
You want more.
So, you ask for more.
And He gives.
He gives.

O' Disbelievers,
why do you only thank God when you're in a near-death experience?
Then you forget that He has brought life to you.
Everyday that you wake up,
is another day you get to live.
& Yet, you refuse to thank Him.

O' Disbelievers,
You acknowledge that there is a God,
and that He is the one who created you,
who gave life to you,
who provides you with everything that you need.
He has clothed you.
He has fed you.
He gave you a healthy body and healthy mind
so that you can lead the life you desire.
He surrounds you beloved parents and friends
so that you wont feel alone.
He made the world so beautiful,
that you travel in awe.
& Yet, you refuse to praise your Lord
for all that he has given you.
Yet, they refuse.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Is it just me or...

Does your heart sometimes get "clouded" too?

SubhanAllah, I was just listening to a lecture in the car on the way home about less than an hour ago...and it's so true. When we watch TV, or do things that distract us from our deen, it clouds our hearts. It blackens our hearts. It becomes a distraction to everything we do. Like when we want to pray, we are praying...but our minds and hearts are thinking about something else. We dont want it to be there, we dont want it, we want to concentrate as much as we can on our Salah, we tell ourselves to Focus, you can do it, just focus, be closer to Allah. But your heart has been so tainted, even by the slightest sin that we dont have the connection anymore. We are rushing...we dont want to rush our prayer. But we do anyway. Then you just feel like the world is moving too fast, and you can't slow down. You want to slow down so bad but the Shaytan is stopping you from peace. A'oozubillahi minash Shaytan nirajeem.

And also, we say one thing but we do another. I feel like I keep putting things off. I have to learn to stop it. I have to learn to say 'No, I'll do it now, because I know if not, it will never be done.' or 'I'll definitely do it when I say I'll do it.' Procrastination is one of my biggest weaknesses. And I know that the Shaytan is using that against me. I have to fight it. I know I'm stronger than that. I want to do so many things, I want to achieve too many things...but I have such little time to do so. Sometimes I forget to just take things, one step at a time. There is no tomorrow, until tomorrow actually comes. That, I have to remember. So I have to focus on today.

Strive, girl, strive.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

i am me.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. So do you. But while I'm aware of all the things I've said or done wrong, I'd like to take this opportunity to make sincere apologies to all my fellow brothers and sisters, whether you're on the bloggosphere or in real life. Even though some may not know that I'm expressing my feelings right now, inshaAllah I hope Allah will forgive me for my past, present and future sins. Sometimes I say or do things out of impulse...and because of that action, it makes me regret what I have done and makes me question my personality/self. Why do I do things like that? Is that what makes me so hard to get along with? Or do people not understand me well enough to know that I actually mean well? That I actually love them...? And that I love all my friends and family...? SubhanAllah, it's times like these when I'm in doubt, I just turn to Allah, turn to the Quran. Right then, I feel comforted. I know that I'm not alone. I know that if I'm patient enough, the right friends will come along my way. Friends who will help guide me onto the path of Jannah, friends who help increase my deen, friends who I can trust and love for the sake of Allah. And friends who are always there for me when I need them. I know that if I'm patient enough inshaAllah one day Allah will provide me with a pious husband who will complete half my deen. All I want is just to be a better Muslim, and to please my creator by pleasing my family and my ummah. I know that if I'm patient enough, Allah will provide me with acquaintances who will help me achieve that. My level of deen is obviously completely different to what you may be, you could be much more knowledgeable, or I could be more knowledgeable than you. Allahu Wallam. I dont see myself as any better than you. Neither should you. We should look at our own mistakes before we judge others. We are all students of knowledge...until the day we die.